Tears of Joy

This evening I was able to lay on the couch and read my book while Bryan worked on the basement toy box project and Anna PLAYED BY HERSELF. Those of you with easy children, not children like the kind whole series of books are written (think Ramona, Junie B, Clementine...), might not quite understand the magnitude of this event. I've been dreaming of this day. I cried when I watched her talking to her dolls. I cried because I was so happy to see her engaging in her toys and using her imagination.

I don't know what made playing by herself so difficult. The dyspraxia - she didn't know how to play? The high energy - she couldn't calm herself enough to sit and focus? Her age - she just wasn't mature enough to play by herself?

I don't know what's caused the change. This wasn't the first day, but seeing her in the basement on the couch while Bryan was in a different part of the basement working, and I was upstairs made it really clear that she can do this - she can play by herself. I think the start of playing by herself has been a combination of things:
1) OT has helped her find her balance, her threshold. She is able to sit and focus so much more now than she ever could. We also use a brushing technique to help calm her each night at bed and when she starts getting physically agitated and hyper.
2) Pre-school has helped her both learn new things and play with friends in a smaller and calmer atmosphere than daycare. I think since the craziness is reduced, she can focus on her activities a little more.
3) She's maturing and getting older. Maybe it was finally her time.

Don't think I don't enjoy playing with Anna, because I love myself a few games of Candy Land and feeding Pink Baby her bottle, but the energy behind her constant demands for attention and control can be very exhausting. It's just a nice break from always monitoring, anticipating, and fighting for balance. It's so normal. It feels good to write that so I'm going to do it again. It's so normal.

Today I am thankful for:
1. a loving daughter
2. a daughter that can "read" with expression. Knuffle Bunny Too is a favorite right now.
3. a great book, French Lessons by Ellen Sussman

Apple Orchard Trip x 4

Last Saturday we were able to make our annual trip to the apple orchard. I like going in September rather than October because 1) the apples are better and 2) it's not as crowded. I don't really do crowds. We had a great time eating doughnuts, playing at the playground, and taking a tractor ride. We skipped the petting zoo this time since it annoys me that you have to pay for every little thing. Bryan and I have been eating our apples for lunch, and they sure are delicious. I skipped the apple pie this year to stay on the happy side of health. Pie's not my favorite anyway. I think I would rather go back and have some more doughnuts. Enjoy pictures from this year and all the previous years; it's fun to see how much Anna has changed. I hardly remember her being so little.

It's all about the slide!

My 2 favorite people.

Last year - Queen of the Hill.

2 years ago - I think she tried picking up each and every pumpkin.

3 years ago - Sweet baby in her cherry outfit. I love that outfit.

The sunscreen we put on her got in her eyes and made her hair crazy, but she looks happy hangin' with her pumpkins.

Today I am thankful for:

• 
  
  Chicken Taquitos for dinner - very tasty. I made the chicken in the crockpot this weekend with a jar of salsa and some sriracha hot sauce. I also added a can of black beans to the mix.


• 
  
  OT for Anna - it seems to help her have good days at school and she's somewhat calmer at home too.


• 
  
  a better week at work than last week
  
  

Let's All Go To The Movies...Daddy Warbucks

It's September, and it's been hotter the past few days than it was all summer. The extreme heat canceled any outdoor activities for us, and Anna hasn't earned her trip to Monkey Joes (for following directions without a fight/attitude/or overall stubbornness). So I thought we could try (gulp) a movie.

Anna has been a little more interested in TV lately. She says she wants to watch, but usually only for a few minutes before something better comes along - like helping me with dinner or several games of Candy Land. She will watch her "purple Barbie movie" for a little longer - especially if she has popcorn. Side note: Barbie movies are lame and make very little sense, but she likes the "purple" one, so whatever.

I checked the movies and times for the local dollar theater, and decided we could try Winnie the Pooh at 3:40 - no nap interference, not too long, and before dinner. I figure we are only paying $1.50 per ticket, plus the snacks, so if it's horrible it's not a devastating loss.

We did a prep conversation about movie theaters and how to behave in a theater before we left home and again when we got there (yes, this is my life, a constant prep session so Anna knows what to expect and how to behave). She was so excited. She loved the theater - the noise, the dark, the big screen, all the seats, and let's not forget the popcorn. The movie wasn't a big hit for her. She didn't not like it, but I guess it was no "purple Barbie movie." She tried every seat in our row, some more than once, did a lap around the row in front of us (then got a warning that she had to stay in our row bc if you give an inch with her she'll take 1000 miles), took 2 bathroom breaks and was telling me I should go so she could go for a third, ate half a bag of popcorn, asked questions at a level 3, and thoroughly amused me throughout most of the film which was just over an hour long.

When we were leaving she said, "I did a great job at the movies!" I told her she did a good job for her first time at the movies, but she had to work on staying in her seat next time. While watching the previews, she was laughing and responding to the trailer for the Muppet Movie, so maybe when that hits the cheapie theater (in the Spring???) we could try again.

Really, it was pretty fun. I was happy we made it through the whole movie, although we were close to leaving when she started wandering down the aisle. She's not the first or last kid to talk through parts of a movie, and she seemed to like the experience if not the movie itself. So I'll call it a win.

Today I am thankful for:

• a new adventure today


• a 3 day weekend


• sleeping in

Mother May I...

Take one GIANT leap forward?
Why, Anna, yes you may!

What a difference a week makes. It's like a complete reversal of the previous week. I don't really know why - comfort with routine? a really beneficial OT session? just because that's how Anna rolls?

She started official preschool on Monday; it goes from 8:30-11:30 everyday with wrap around daycare the time before and after. She has a few friends from the summer session in her class as well as a few new friends. Her teacher is Mrs. Meaghann, and Anna seems to like her. They worked on the "little letter A, and the big letter A, /a/ /a/ /a/." It's so exciting to hear her talk about what she's learning. The class behavior system: each child has a pocket with 3 sticks, at the end of the day each child earns a sticker for each stick remaining in the pocket. As of Thursday, Anna had all 12 possible stickers. On Friday, she told me she did not make it to treasure box yet, so she must have missed a sticker or two, but I am SOOOOOOO proud of her for all her good choices.

We decided to let her earn stickers for 2 things this week: going into her classroom without any problems and following directions without fussing or having an attitude. She's been doing a great job earning her stickers this week. She has to earn 10 stickers to choose a reward (Orange Leaf, Chick Fil A, Monkey Joes). She responds well to this sort of reward system, so for now we will stick to it. If she's starting to have a hard time I can remind her that she's trying to earn stickers, and she usually changes her attitude.

A reminder for me: Just one day at a time.

Today I am thankful for:

1. LHSC Carnival - Anna had a blast (and a good attitude)


2. good conversation at the admissions booth of the carnival where I volunteered


3. Farmer's Market tomatoes - I am in love with home grown tomatoes right now

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

That's the old saying, right? Well, that's how I feel right now. Anna and I had a great summer. She was making good choices, following directions, and making life relatively easy. Now - not so much.

The past several weeks have been very trying for all of us. Because I started back to work Anna has to get up at 6:20ish each morning and go to school all day everyday. Her daycare also moved to their new building. I'm hoping these are a few big changes that she's still adjusting to, and once she feels good with her new routine things will calm down a little. Another possible reason for her behavior - just a phase.

I get so embarrassed sometimes. She doesn't get what she wants and she's on the floor crying and wailing. I stay calm and remind her that she never gets what she wants when she acts like that. She will usually stop quickly, but the damage has already been done. Or she is running around, pulling on my arms, and acting wild and crazy - also embarrassing. Once she gets to this state, it's already too late; there's no turning back. I just have to survive it enough to get to the car where I drive home wondering what the hell is wrong with my kid and what I could have done differently. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

On the positive side, she did earn her trip to get ice cream by getting ready every morning (clothes changed, teeth brushed, and hair brushed) by the time her timer went off. She earned a sticker each morning for 2 work weeks for a total of 10 stickers. I'm really proud of her for this accomplishment. She was very motivated to earn stickers for her chart. We might work on something else for the next two weeks. We have two choices: 1) going into her classroom each morning without problems or 2) making it through the day without whining aka: being ok with "no". We'll have to decide this weekend what would be better to work on since both are important.

Today I am thankful for:

1. a really sweet class


2. a trip to the Farmer's Market (where we saw Will and Sarabeth)


3. the promise of ice cream later today

Summer Fun Driftin' Away...

I've mentioned in previous posts how this summer with Anna has been the best one yet (her 1st summer was nice too, but she was a newborn). We've been able to enjoy a lot of fun activities with little to no drama (most days). She usually wakes up around 7:00 and says, "Can I have some yogurt? I don't want to stay home today." Bryan and I are homebodies, so we aren't too sure why she doesn't like staying home. She would always rather be outside than inside, too. When I choose activities for us I make sure we can be back home for her nap around 12 or 12:30; if I mess with her nap or don't give her one she is very unmanageable, so we stick to routine!
These are some of our fun activities from this summer:

• Arboretum Children's Garden (I think it is $3/person): There are water features, paths, learning stations, and a garden to dig in and water. It's great fun on a sunny day.


• Swimming Lessons: Anna took 3 sessions at the Tate's Creek Pool and did so well. I'm really proud of her swimming ability. We are going to look into joining the YMCA so she can swim all year round. We also swam for fun before swimming lessons and on weekends.


• Chick-Fil-A: Always fun to eat some Chicken Minis (yummmmm) and play in the play land.


• Library: We don't do story hours since she can't sit still for long, but we love going to the library to check out books and wander around.


• Jacobson Park: What's better than feeding the ducks and playing on the giant playground?


• Explorium: We went here for the 1st time today. It was enjoyable, but I think it's just a once a year thing since the learning stuff is over her head. She did have a good time playing and exploring.


• Our very own backyard: We have a swing set, baby pool, water table, and giant bouncy ball to play with. We like to also play with her car, bike, bubbles, and chalk in the front yard.

A few more places I'd like to visit on the weekends while it's still warm:

• Lexington Horse Park


• McConnell Springs


• Salato


• Raven Run: We only made it here once, but I would love to go back.


• Cincinnati Zoo: We have passes, but haven't been in a while. We love the zoo because of the animals and the walking around.

All around it's been a fun summer. We've stayed busy with the above activities, had a nice vacation to Hilton Head, a trip to Cedar Point, and Anna started daycare 2 days a week at LHSC. I'll be going back to work full time next Monday, and Anna will start daycare full time at LHSC's new center (in the old JR Ewen building). Pre-school will start on August 22; I'm excited for her! She's made a few friends at daycare, so hopefully at least one will be in her class for the year.

Today I am thankful for:

1. a few more days to sleep in


2. a few more days to have fun with no real commitments


3. library books

The Journey Continues...

When I was pregnant with Anna I could only think of how perfect my sweet little girl was going to be and how much fun I was going to have as a mom, and I was right. She is full of life, always has a hug and kiss for me (and just about everyone else), and definitely keeps life interesting. She also came with some surprises too; I suppose all children do.

It's been quite a journey learning how to be her mom, learning how to help her be her best. When I took her to her doctor or to the therapist, it was all, "She's fine. You have to set rules and stick to them. Pick your battles. It's just a stage..." I read books (the ones by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka were very helpful), and I kept thinking, "what is wrong with me? Why can't I help her calm down, let go of the control, follow rules, focus...?" Well I did help her. Her behavior has improved so much over the past year, but the issues still exist - I've just learned how to reduce the problems before they happen, the tantrums, the crying, and the outbursts.

On Friday, Anna and I went to a new OT, Julie, and had a very positive experience. I wasn't happy with our first experience. I felt a rush judgement was being made, they couldn't accommodate our working parents schedule, and I didn't have any data to accept the diagnosis. With Julie, she did an actual assessment (I forget the name) that determines if a child between 3 and 5 has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and dyspraxia. I watched Anna try to preform clear tasks with measurable outcomes. She couldn't do so many things she was asked to do. Julie explained that this is because she does in fact have high functioning SPD and dyspraxia. The high functioning part just means it doesn't look like there's anything wrong with her except maybe bad behavior and parents that don't have any control over her; when in fact we work with her so much to make each day and each activity successful. Sometimes we are successful, and sometimes we aren't. The SPD and dyspraxia mean she can't take an idea for a task, think of the processes to accomplish the task, then follow through with the steps to completion. It is most difficult for her when it's someone elses idea rather than her own...enter strong willed and non-compliant behavior - she CAN'T do it, so she won't. This is directly connected with her speech problem (phonological processing disorder). She is a sensory seeker while also being a sensory avoider. She loves to hug and climb all over people when it's her idea and she's in control; she doesn't like to be picked up, carried, or hold hands when it's not her idea.

There were a lot of things presented to me in a short amount of time, and Bryan and I have to go back for a meeting with Julie where she will present her report and treatment options, but this is the gist. I was really happy with Julie. She is willing to work with us, and she already started forming a bond with Anna and me.

I was initially hesitant to label Anna with a life-long diagnosis, but I saw how she really couldn't do the tasks. I am hopeful that she can be helped and treated with OT so life becomes easier for her and her behavior improves. I made a list of 10 goals I would like to see Anna achieve with the help of OT. The list ranged from being able to focus and play a game/activity for an appropriate amount of time to sitting down to eat dinner to writing her name. And selfishly, it's helped my mom ego to know that it's not me, she really does need extra help. I'm ok with it; she's healthy, fun, smart, and beautiful. She just needs a little extra help, and I'm willing to do whatever I can for her; right now that means we will be adding OT to our schedule.

Today I am thankful for:

• a trip to the Arboretum with Bryan and Anna


• sweet corn and cucumbers from the Farmer's Market


• a long weekend with my family

another step

Tuesday...
Anna had her second speech lesson today, and it went really well. She's there for an hour (yes, an hour!) working hard. Like most things with Anna, she does better as time goes on; the evaluation was horrible, lesson 1 a little better, lesson 2 a little better still. I'm proud of all the hard work she does - even if it is for the piece of candy she receives at the end of the lesson! She's working on her ending "p" and "t" right now. She's even bringing it into conversation sometimes. She also had her first daycare class today after speech. I'm hoping that went well and she enjoyed making new friends. I still get a little sad when I think about how she won't be seeing her teachers and BFFs from Tots' anymore, but life goes on.

After speech I went to meet with the OT that did Anna's evaluation to hear what she had to say. She definitely thinks Anna has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). This incorporates Anna's sensory seeking behaviors, constant movement, distractability, and play integration problems. This is why Anna doesn't have boundaries, and why we work so hard to keep her safe. Just yesterday I had to pull her out of the swimming pool several times during swim lessons when she wasn't sitting on the steps but rather trying to swim underwater without her teacher! These are the behaviors Bryan and I work so hard to help her control, and sometimes seem to fail miserably, but lately have been having more success.

Wednesday...

I quit typing yesterday because it's hard to find the words. I'm so confused. When I was speaking with the OT I had several feelings: 1) she understands; I'm not overreacting just because Anna is different from me and does things that make no sense to me, but also 2) Anna is not THAT extreme; her behavior and ability to make good choices has improved dramatically since last year at this time. I think about all the things she does (good and not-so-good) and keep going back and forth: yes, she probably does have SPD, and then no, she continues to mature and do better (in routine activities). I just don't know, so I'm going for a second opinion with an OT that hopefully can accommodate our 2-parents-working-schedule come fall since the place I've been going won't be able to go to her school or get her an after school appointment. I also ordered a few books on Amazon to read through that will hopefully shed a little light on SPD so I can make a better decision. It's hard labeling a kid, especially when it's your own. I want to provide her with all the opportunities she needs to be successful; I just want to be making the "right" decisions. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that parenting is hard? LOL

Today I am thankful for:

1. much needed rain

2. playing with Anna this morning. 3 is so much better than 2!!!!!

3. time

Real Food

I was browsing a parent magazine when I saw a feature on a mom that started a blog, 100 Days of Real Food, about her family's journey switching to all real food after reading one of Michael Pollan's books. I can relate to her thoughts on food because she felt like she was doing the right things, but realized that maybe she wasn't doing all she could for the health of her family. After reading through her posts I feel like I can do a few things to improve our food choices, but I'm not going all in on the challenge. I don't have the time or the desire to spend the extra money on the organic and locally raised food right now; I might this summer, but not now.

Some changes I can make:

• Triscuits (low salt) instead of crackers with lots of questionable ingredients


• Using 100% whole-wheat flour in my breads, biscuits, and pizza dough


• Trying Lara Bars for a healthy lunch or snack


• Trying some of the recipes


• Not buying anymore granola bars that Anna fills up on but don't have much nutritional value


• No artificial sweeteners


• I bought this book of healthy lunches and meals at Kohl's yesterday. I'm going to have to make Anna's lunches when she's at LHSC. She likes variety, so hopefully I'll find some things she likes.

My kind-of-real-food today (I didn't use organic produce or locally raised beef): Beef Fajita Nachos from PW. I don't know if we are going to do the nachos or just serve with brown rice and grilled peppers and onions. I'm hoping it's delicious.

Today I am thankful for:

• smoothies (I just use vanilla yogurt, frozen strawberries, and frozen peaches...yum)


• a 3-day weekend


• time in the sun


• 2 good movies this weekend: No Strings Attached and I Am Number 4


• A week's weather forecast with NO RAIN!!!

Dyspraxia?

Bryan and I took Anna to her OT evaluation today. We had a very nice OT, Ariane, who played and did activities with Anna while also talking to us. We went to Julie Kraska and Associates near the mall. They have a very nice facility with a big room for swings, tunnels, and mats, as well as small therapy rooms with toys and activities. Anna has a tendency to want to do something, do it for only a few minutes, then say "I'm done." She often quits when things are hard or when she can't get it right away. Ariane said that these behaviors show she might have dyspraxia, a sensory processing disorder that makes it hard for her to plan and complete fine motor tasks. When I look online, I don't feel like she fits a lot of the descriptions for people with dyspraxia, but I'm going to wait until we have our full evaluation meeting to decide. I still think she has sensory seeking behaviors that contribute to making things difficult for her. Some of her behaviors also cross the ADHD lines, but my gut is not leaning towards ADHD. We'll meet with Ariane in a few weeks to determine Anna's OT needs.

I'm ok with it. Assigning a name to some of her behaviors helps me feel like there's a reason some things are so hard for her, not just that I'm a sucky mom that can't control her child. I felt like that for a long time, you know, that I had this kid driving me crazy, and I couldn't help her. Things have gotten easier as she's gotten older, but it's still constant work. My hopes are that with speech, OT, and preschool at LHSC things will start to be easier for her - following directions, having some self control, finishing things she starts, focusing her attention on the task, and playing with friends, us, or by herself.

Today I am thankful for:

• Bryan coming to Anna's appointment


• helpful and kind therapists


• warm weather

The Saga of Pink Baby Continues

When Bryan thought about the "projects" he would get to do as a married-dad-homeowner, he probably never thought of this one…

Anna's Pink Baby is probably her most favorite possession. She sleeps with her, sucks on her belly, takes her in the car, goes to her for comfort when she's sad, and just likes to have her close by at all times. She frequently tells me, "Pink Baby is my friend." (Don't worry she says that about real people too). She has to leave her in the car while she's at daycare or in a public place, but when we're at home Anna and Pink Baby are never far apart. Well for some strange and unknown kid reason, Anna was messing around on the potty before bed tonight when Pink Baby had the unfortunate luck to be laying on the floor near the toilet and received a few undesired spots of pee on her body. AHHHHHHHH! Why, why, why on her body? If you remember from this previous post, wetness and Pink Baby don't mix. I rushed her to the kitchen where I tried to do emergency spot cleaning, but I did not succeed; she stinks. At least we didn't eat any asparagus tonight. While Anna was in the bathroom sobbing Bryan and I found two other Pink Babies (one old and one new) in the basement for her to try out. She was being so brave while we talked to her about not being able to use Pink Baby tonight and using one of the other ones. I started to cry seeing her truly sad, not just overreacting about something stupid. Right now she's in her bed sleeping with a new Pink Baby – she is clean and fluffy, and not at all what she likes in a Pink Baby while Bryan is being a Hero Dad.

First he cut the arms, legs, and head off Pink Baby.

Then he pulled the stuffing out of her – very carefully so as not to upset the perfect un-fluffiness.

He washed her clothes so they look a little pink again. Look at the gross water!

After her clothes dried he sewed the appendages back on.

What a dad!

This is one of those "I didn't think I would ever ______ for my kid" moments. It might sound ridiculous. You might be thinking, just get rid of the dirty thing. But if you've ever seen her with Pink Baby to know how much she relies on her for comfort, you might do the same. Maybe this will be our turning point where we try leaving Pink Baby at home and only use her at sleeping times. I don't know what the future holds for Pink Baby. What I do know is that I'm really proud of Anna tonight for being so brave, and I think Bryan is just the best dad a girl could ask for.

Tonight I'm thankful for:

1. Walks with my family
   


2. a husband that can sew
   


3. Extra Pink Babies in the house

Sensory Searcher?

I spoke with the SLP from Anna's original appointment today. She scored the sensory profile, and Anna has some "probable" and "definite" sensory issues that need to be further examined by an OT. The areas she is out of the normal zone:

• vestibular processing: constant need for motion - swinging, running, jumping, climbing


• multi sensory processing: when more than one sense is involved


• sensory seeking: teachers, these are the kids that are always falling out of chairs, running their fingers along the wall, tapping their pencils, or like one of my students today - laying on the carpet bicycling his legs during science :) (among other annoying behaviors)


• emotional reactions: with too little or too much sensory experiences

I would agree with all of these areas being trouble spots for her. I started a conversation with an OT today and will be scheduling a full OT evaluation. I feel lots of emotions right now. I feel relieved that their could be a reason for her behavior difficulties, but sad that their could be "something wrong with her." I know if she is labeled as having a sensory processing disorder, it just gives a name to many (not all) of the behaviors Bryan and I have been trying to keep under control, but it seems worse with a label. I don't know how an OT will help her, but I hope it's possible. I had a small breakdown today with a few special ed teachers; I think I have more breaking down to do.

I want her to be successful when she's in school. I want her to love school. I do not want her to constantly be getting in trouble, getting discouraged, and feeling bad about who she is because she has some obstacles she has to overcome that aren't classroom friendly. I am leaning towards sending her to Lexington Hearing and Speech for pre-school and wrap-around daycare. I still have to check it out in person, but she would be in a much smaller class, receive individual attention, would receive speech while she's there (2/30 minute sessions a week), and the teachers would be integrating what she's working on in speech during her day. It sounds just right - except for the 7:30 start time, which means we will have to make some adjustments to our schedule, but it will be worth it.

Plan for tonight...breathe.

I am thankful for:

• warm sunny weather


• answers


• healthy food

She can hear, but...

I took the day off work today so I could take Anna to Lexington Hearing and Speech. I've been concerned with her speech since forever. I worried when she was 22 mo. before she would say mama. I worried when she was almost 2 before she really started talking. I worried when she would talk, talk, and talk some more and I couldn't understand what she was saying. I worried when I looked online and read I should understand about 80% or more of what she is saying, and I don't. So I took her even though people kept telling me that she's probably fine.

I knew it was going to be rough - new experiences where she's expected to follow directions and do certain things are never very successful. She made it through the hearing screening first, and that came back as normal (so happy). Then we went to the speech articulation screening which was not so successful in many ways. Anna likes to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it, and sitting in that room and talking about pictures was not at the top of her to-do list today. She had a few major anger outbursts like I haven't seen in a while (which are so embarrassing and frustrating) because she didn't want to be there. The speech pathologist was really wonderful, and she did a great job redirecting Anna and encouraging her to cooperate. Her results came back as very poor for articulation. She scored in the 2%! I was almost certain there was a problem, but I had no idea it was that bad - yikes. She has a phonological processing disorder. Basically that means she makes/has patterns of sound errors...she leaves the endings off words and can't say blends. When she speaks I could choose 4 different words for what she's saying; I have to use context to figure out which word she's saying most of the time. It is recommended she have individual therapy, so that's what I'm working on scheduling right now.

While Anna was showing her true colors at the appointment, the speech pathologist suggested that I fill out a sensory integration form (I think that's what it was) because of her over stimulation and high activity level. There were many areas that I checked "never" like sensitivity to textures, smells, and sights. There were other areas that I check "always" and "frequently" like frustration with difficult to complete tasks, on-the-go, stares at people, and takes a long time to finish seemingly simple tasks because of being distracted. These are all the areas that make me crazy, the areas that we work so hard on, the areas that I always wonder if she's "normal" because they are so unlike me. I won't get the results from this survey until next week, so I'm not sure if she'll need OT services, but right now it's a possibility.

How am I feeling about all this??? I'm not surprised that she has an articulation problem; I was the one to pursue the evaluation. I'm glad that there is a "fix" and she can overcome this speech problem. I'm feeling overwhelmed because I don't know how to fit in the extra appointments and services she'll need. The speech pathologist also recommended I look into their pre-school. I want to do the very best for Anna, but Bryan and I have boundaries for our work schedules that make all this somewhat stressful to think about. Right now Anna is on a waiting list to receive services at Lexington Hearing and Speech. I contacted "On the Move" to see if they have availability. I'm pretty pissed that I have to have her screened again, then they will let me know what their availability is. ARGH. So next Friday I'm going to have to deal with this all over again. On the Move is closer to work and daycare though, so it's important that I take her. They also have OT services if she needs those. I hate that getting appointments after school is so tough. Maybe Bryan can arrange his schedule differently???

I love my baby, and I want her to be doing the very best she can. I just wish I could have a schedule and plan ready to go - like yesterday.

Today I'm thankful for:

• such a nice, calm, and patient speech pathologist


• a caring family


• Anna not having a hearing loss


• insurance to help pay for all of this

Anna's Birthday Party - a few weeks later

When asked what kind of party she wanted, Anna would say, "I want a purple-Hello Kitty party." She would also respond with, "I want a purple-pink-Hello Kitty-Dora-Belle party." She got the purple-Hello Kitty party! We had Hello Kitty balloons, a few decorations, cake plates, and kid cups. We had purple cups, plates, and napkins. It turned out very cute.

Bryan and I went around and around about what to make/buy/have catered for dinner. We were just having family over, about 20 people came. We finally decided on Baked Ziti from Annie's Eats. I made one healthier pan with turkey sausage and whole wheat pasta, and a second pan with regular sausage and white pasta. We also had this delicious appetizer, veggies with dip, yogurt covered pretzels from Fresh Market, a variety of rolls from Fresh Market, berries, salad, and sun chips. Everything turned out really well.

To really get into the theme, I made a Hello Kitty cake. I'm glad I did it, but I don't know if I would do it again. I didn't mind the tedium of making the stars, but my hand and wrist were cramping up so badly. I think it turned out really cute. I also made chocolate cupcakes in Hello Kitty wrappers for the chocolate lovers.

Anna opened her presents and made sure to remind us all that "this is mine," with every new present. She got some Barbies, dress ups, a suitcase, lots of clothes, a few pairs of shoes, and some sport stuff. She was very spoiled, but we've had fun playing with all her new toys. She played and fought with her cousin Jackson. They had a good time, but it was hard for Anna to stay happy and friendly as the night went on.

My Dad and that part of the family stayed the next day and went to Keenland. We were able to meet up with them after Anna's nap. Anna looked cute as ever in a new birthday dress with a white jean jacket. She loved watching the horses and being outside; she just wished she could have touched one of the horses.

It was a great birthday weekend, and I'm glad we only have to do it once a year. All that cleaning and preparing is exhausting!

Today I'm thankful for:

• a loving family that traveled down for Anna's party


• sleeping in


• warm sunny days to play outside


• a healthy, happy daughter


• Bryan vacuuming and picking things up while I was out

Anna is 3!

Three seems like such a magical age to me. I loved the baby stage, and I'm hoping the 3-4 stage is easier than the 1-2 stage. I'm not going to lie...I've been waiting for her to be 3. I try to live in the moment, but on some of those pulling-my-hair-out moments, I couldn't help but to dream of the future when life hopefully becomes a little easier. I've come to the realization that some things will get easier as she gets older, BUT she is who she is, and a short temper and little patience is not going to change overnight (or ever) just because she's 3. So we will work with it!I love my daughter so much for who she is and all she can do. Here are some highlights:

Anna loves:

• purple


• Pink Baby


• kitty cats


• Hello-Kitty


• Barbie


• princesses (mainly Belle)


• helping


• shoes


• skirts and dresses


• dress-ups


• choosing


• being outside


• doing things by herself


• books


• being the boss


• babies


• Bryan and me


• her teacher, Ms. Michelle


• her friends, Kiley and Gracie


• her aunts, Jen and Jami


• her cousins, Jackson, Drew, Lilly, Zach, and Brady


• all her grandparents


• hugs and kisses


• junk food


• chips and salsa


• go-gurt


• pancakes


• cheeseburgerfries (that's how she says it, like it's one word)


• bags, purses, and pockets


• flip flops


• sleeping in my and Bryan's bed


• laughing


• play hide-and-seek


• talking on the phone


• playing on the iPad or iPhone


• cereal


• Target


• routine


• when things are "the same, yay" (jump up and down now)


• running


• jumping on beds


• Monkey Joes


• singing


• finding A for Anna
  

Anna can:

• 
  identify her capital letters (except for V,W, sometimes H and T)


• name some months and days


• say her birthday is in April


• identify the weather


• ask for help (this is huge, because she can do it without screaming and crying when things go wrong)


• play games


• play pretend


• tell how to get to Meijer and Target, home, Tots', the Y, and probably other places


• tell left and right (not 100%, but good for a little kid)


• dress herself


• pick out clothes


• identify colors (8 pack Crayolas plus white and pink)


• identify shapes (circle, square, triangle, hexagon, diamond, heart, star, rectangle)


• point and count with 1 to 1 correspondence, but the actual numbers aren't quite in order. It usually sounds something like this, "one, two, fwee, eight, nine, ten, yeyen, eighteen, nineteen." We're still working on it :)


• understand consequences and makes the better choice (not 100% here either, but that's ok)


• sing songs and tell me other things she's learned at school


• make up her own songs


• use her words to tell us she's hungry or sick or that she's ready to leave
  

I love my girl. She is funny, spirited, and so loving. I'm lucky to be her mother.

Today I am thankful for:

• 
  a great family that came down for Anna's party and called today


• cupcakes


• sunny warm weather


• open windows


• a loving baby

NOT Up For Adventure

I AM COMPLETELY ANNOYED WITH BLOGGER RIGHT NOW. IT WILL NOT KEEP THE SPACES I WANT BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. I WILL CLUE YOU IN TO WHERE I WANT THE SPACES :) I know my limits. I respect my limits. I sometimes challenge those limits, but in little ways - like a new exercise video. There's a reason, well several reasons why Bryan and I have waited to have another baby. One of those reasons is that I'm respecting my limits. I do not like to overwhelm myself. I like to be healthy and productive with a smile on my face rather than drowning in stress and freaking out. !!SPACE!! I recently had the chance to push my limits beyond their breaking point. I was so tempted; it sounded so fun - on the surface. But when I looked deeper, and really thought about life, I knew I wasn't up for the adventure of Disney World. Or to put it another way, I wasn't up for the adventure of Disney World with my baby. Bryan's sister has 3 kids under the age of 4, and she is brave enough to take on Disney World. I (with 1 kid) am not brave enough for Disney. !!SPACE!! It was a really hard decision. I want to provide Anna with fun activities and experiences in life. She loves spending time with her cousins and Mimi and Papa (who are also going). But...in the end it comes down to the fact that she can't handle over-stimulation multiple days in a row especially if sleep and routine are thrown off. I can't think of a worse place to try to keep stimulation down and sleep on schedule. This is what happens when Anna has too much stimulation, is out of routine, and doesn't get enough sleep.

• Day 1: good, great even.


• Day 2: listening is at a 2 or 3 (out of 10), tantrums begin, meltdowns over EVERYTHING, aggressive behavior (usually hitting).


• Day 3: listening is at a 0, it is a full on cry fest, aggressive behavior (hitting and kicking), with super tantrums (those are the ones where she's so out of control the only thing that helps is playing in water or soapy bubbles). We've only ventured here a few times (thankfully): Kings Island and this past Christmas.

During all that time Bryan and I are trying to keep it together, help her every way we know how, and usually failing miserably. So, you see why when I REALLY thought about it, it wasn't such a hard decision. Flying down on Wednesday, going to the Magic Kingdom on Thursday, Animal Kingdom on Friday, MGM on Saturday, and plane ride on Sunday would lead to the complete emotional breakdown of my entire family all at the astronomical cost of $3000-$4000 (which is completely insane, I may add).

She'll be ready one day - probably when she's 8 or older. And that's ok because she most likely wouldn't remember a trip as a 3 year old, and I would only remember it as the trip from hell. She will have to get to the stage when she can verbalize her feelings and needs (such as: it is too crowded, and I'm tired. I need to go back to the hotel and swim for a while.) One of the books I'm reading is helping me help her work towards this skill (identifying what's wrong, and how to fix it rather than being irrational, aggressive, and out-of-control). Although the behavior of my spirited baby has improved greatly as she's gotten older and as Bryan and I have found ways to help her succeed, she still has limits, and as her mother I have to respect those limits until she can do that for herself.

We'll do something else fun those few days of Fall Break. Keenland will be open, and what's more fun than teaching your kid the value of money at the race track?

Today I'm thankful for:

• Anna - spirited and all


• a long talk with my mom


• a sound mind


• checking off things on my to-do list


• Bryan helped with the Junk Depot!!!

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games has been all the rage at work lately, so I started last weekend, and finished this weekend. I was not disappointed by the hype. These books were so good I couldn't stop reading. I even did the unusual - bought the 2nd and 3rd in hardback because I couldn't stand to wait to borrow them. Bryan was annoyed with me for not interacting with him and Anna very much, but I had to find out what happened to Katniss and her friends and family. I couldn't decide if I wanted her to end up with Gale or Peeta, but I'm happy with the ending. No, I'm VERY happy with the ending.

I know there are all sorts of political issues that go with this book, but I'm not going there. It's not something I know enough about to delve into on this blog. I'll just keep it simple...

I really loved Katniss. She reminds me of Anna - doing things her way regardless of what authority wants or expects. Even though the story is fiction, it reminds me that there is plenty of need in this world for rule breakers! I loved Peeta - his goodness, and his complete love for Katniss despite her flaws. I loved Haymitch - issues, sure, but so much heart and so much to give.

I will miss all the characters; I get so attached to characters in series books, but I will not miss dreaming about what was going to happen to my "friends". I was only dreaming about the story and having restless nights, so I could only imagine what their nightmares were like. I think I will read all 3 again so I can take my time and soak in all the details - I found myself just trying to read more and faster so I could find out what was going to happen that I'm sure I missed some of the details.

I just love a good book - or 3!

Today I am thankful for:

• great books
• "warm" weather
• snow melting
• my mom visiting today

Anna Update

Anna gives me some trouble, but really, she's a great kid. So I'm going to tell you all about her!

Here are some of the things she likes right now at 2 and 3 quarters:

• dress-ups
• beauty shop dress up (with hair dryer, fake scissors, mirror, and comb)
• books - reading and being read to
• babies
• kitchen
• puzzles
• pink
• blocks
• cats
• Beauty and the Beast and other princess stuff
• jewelry
• Memory
• iPad games
• playing in water - with and without bubbles
• playing - at Chick-Fil-A, the mall, and Monkey Joes
• daycare - she loves her teachers and her friends
• helping - usually with making dinner
• playing hide-and-seek and "scaring" us
• choose her clothes, socks, and panties
• run
• jump off of furniture
• mimic Bryan and me and big kids
• color
• talk, talk, talk
• ask "why?"

Here are some things she can do:

• identify most of her capital ABCs and a word or name that begins with that letter. She's still working on U, V, W, and other letters here and there
• count to 12, but still needs a little guidance
• identify pink, red, brown, and green. I don't know why colors seem to be tricky for her, but she's getting them.
• dress herself if I lay her clothes out. I have to help with her shirt.
• "read" No, David! It is so cute.
• use the potty :)

The thing Anna has never given me trouble over - food. She's a great eater. Some of her favorite foods:

• chips and salsa
• Chipotle tacos with black beans, tomatoes, and cheese
• cucumbers with feta cheese
• yogurt pretzels
• vanilla yogurt
• cereal
• apples
• grapes
• bananas
• blueberries
• pizza
• cheeseburgers
• chicken nuggets (Chick-fil-A)
• french fries
• bagel thins with cream cheese
• red peppers
• pancakes
• bacon
• turkey sausage patties

Love my girl.

Today I am thankful for:

• A snow day by myself. I'm not really feeling so great, so Bryan took Anna to daycare so I can relax and rest.
• getting to go back to sleep after getting ready, and then finding out we have a snow day.
• having time to get the kitchen cleaned up

Anna Baby

Anna's had a really good week. A really good week means good and great days at school, a fun snow day at home, and only a few tantrums. The week before was not so good; I don't know if that's because she was congested and feeling bad or just because. I'm thankful for the good weeks.

Bryan, Anna, and I have been going to Dr. P. for parenting advise and strategies. I was feeling mostly bad about my mothering skills during the summer and fall, and I wasn't OK with that. I felt all my life that I was supposed to be a mother, and then when I finally was, I was doing a really bad job. The tantrums and the battles for control - it was all too much. Anna has a big personality from really happy and excited (so cute) to really angry and frustrated (not so cute), and sometimes I just felt overwhelmed. I love her so much and didn't feel like I was helping her be her best self. So I called Dr. P. I started by myself at Dr. P's, but then she said Bryan should be coming because we're in this together, and then she wanted to meet Anna, so now it's the 3 of us. Between Dr. P. and my book (Raising Your Spirited Child), Bryan and I have been able to get some control and remain in the green zone (most of the time).

Some of our tools to help Anna be successful and help us manage daily life with her:

• Tell her everything that's going to happen and in what order - either for a short period of time or the whole day. Then we give lots of reminders as we go. For example: We are going to play one game, and you can finish your blue berries. Then it will be time to go potty, and then take a nap. When she tries for more games, we remind her again. Or you may jump in the pool 3 times, and then it will be our time to go...OK this is your last jump, and then it will be time to go.
• We compromise or make a deal. For example, You may brush your teeth by yourself in the morning, and I will brush your teeth at night. Then we remind her of our deal when she tries to brush at night.
• We tell her the expectations and consequences before we go someplace, and then remind her of our expectations and consequences while we are there. For example, While we are at the grocery store you must stay by mommy or daddy. You may not run off. If you choose to run away, you will go to the car, and you will not get a pony ride.
• When I see her energy rising and she starts loosing focus, it means she's heading to the red zone, and that's not a good place. That's when the screaming, hitting, kicking, biting, and scratching start. So we try to get her to go to her room to cool down (not a time out). She sits with her baby and calms down. This one's a little harder in public, but it's great at home.
• When she's fixed her mind on something it's close to impossible to win a "yes/no" battle, so we try a diversion. This helps when we are cleaning up or just doing things around the house. For example, if she's getting in my way while I'm making dinner, I ask her to set the table.
• We also try removing her from the situation/leaving the area for a few minutes, then before coming back, provide expectations. This helps with the "yes/no" battles too.
• We set routines and stick to them. For example, after getting her PJs on and teeth brushed, she chooses 3 books. I read a book, Bryan reads a book, and Anna reads a book. Then we give hugs and kisses, and she climbs into bed. She was trying all the typical kid stuff and dragging bed time out, and this routine has been working great.
• She likes choices, so we provide choices, and then she feels like she has some control.
• She likes to feel like she's a part of things and that she has some control in situations, so sharing the task makes her much more willing to do what I want.
• We try to choose our battles - no hurting self, others, or property are our guidelines.
• I'm trying to help her identify her feelings. So as she gets older she can do that for herself and then express herself without the tantrums and find a healthier way to manage her emotions.
• All 3 of us try to get plenty of sleep so we're not cranky.
• If Bryan or I need a cool down, we take it for 5-10 minutes, then come back ready to try again.
• I take deep breaths, count to 10, you know, all those calming techniques, when I'm heading towards the red zone.

Life has improved greatly. That's not to say that we don't have bad days, and the tantrums and frustration have ended, because they haven't, but we're learning how to minimize the unhappy stuff. We will probably always be learning new ways to help Anna be her best self and manage her emotions appropriately, and that's OK, because we love her so much.

Today I'm thankful for:

• feeling really well rested
• Bryan is making beef stew for dinner - yum!
• warm clothes, a coat, and a warm house

How will I do it?

Yes, how will I wake up at 5:30 tomorrow????? This is a serious question because for the past two weeks, plus 2 snow days I have been sleeping in until 7:30 or 8:00 (that's sleeping in at our house). I feel so well rested - like I could get a ton of stuff done around the house with all my extra energy (but I won't because I'm usually doing what Anna wants to do).


I've had a great break and Christmas. Our travels were safe despite the snow, and it's always fun to hang out with family. My best Christmas present: Nikon D90 camera. Bryan found it on Craigs List for a really good deal. It's only a few years old and the previous owner hardly ever used it. These are 2 of my favorite pics from Christmas morning:





Anna's favorite gifts are the dress-ups from my Aunt Donna and the Beauty Shop dress-up and play restaurant food set from my dad. She actually loved everything she got, and had a blast just opening the presents, but those are the things we've played with over and over and over again. She did really well during the break considering her routine was all messed up, she had to travel a long distance in the car, and she went to a lot of over-stimulating family parties. Our strategy that works the bestwhen a tantrum or breakdown is coming: take a cool down (like a time out but before the screaming, kicking, hitting, biting start). She goes to her room with her baby and calmly recharges for a few minutes - works like a dream and she really likes it.

I've had a lot of fun hanging with my family, playing with new Christmas gifts, shopping, baking, and having some quality alone time, but it will be good to get back to our routine. I actually miss my kids at school and am looking forward to seeing them tomorrow - just not so early.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. potty training is off to a great start. She was definitely ready. I'm so proud of her.
2. the healthy foods stocked in my fridge.
3. Anna's nap time - I got my report card labels finished.