It's been quite a journey learning how to be her mom, learning how to help her be her best. When I took her to her doctor or to the therapist, it was all, "She's fine. You have to set rules and stick to them. Pick your battles. It's just a stage..." I read books (the ones by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka were very helpful), and I kept thinking, "what is wrong with me? Why can't I help her calm down, let go of the control, follow rules, focus...?" Well I did help her. Her behavior has improved so much over the past year, but the issues still exist - I've just learned how to reduce the problems before they happen, the tantrums, the crying, and the outbursts.
On Friday, Anna and I went to a new OT, Julie, and had a very positive experience. I wasn't happy with our first experience. I felt a rush judgement was being made, they couldn't accommodate our working parents schedule, and I didn't have any data to accept the diagnosis. With Julie, she did an actual assessment (I forget the name) that determines if a child between 3 and 5 has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and dyspraxia. I watched Anna try to preform clear tasks with measurable outcomes. She couldn't do so many things she was asked to do. Julie explained that this is because she does in fact have high functioning SPD and dyspraxia. The high functioning part just means it doesn't look like there's anything wrong with her except maybe bad behavior and parents that don't have any control over her; when in fact we work with her so much to make each day and each activity successful. Sometimes we are successful, and sometimes we aren't. The SPD and dyspraxia mean she can't take an idea for a task, think of the processes to accomplish the task, then follow through with the steps to completion. It is most difficult for her when it's someone elses idea rather than her own...enter strong willed and non-compliant behavior - she CAN'T do it, so she won't. This is directly connected with her speech problem (phonological processing disorder). She is a sensory seeker while also being a sensory avoider. She loves to hug and climb all over people when it's her idea and she's in control; she doesn't like to be picked up, carried, or hold hands when it's not her idea.
There were a lot of things presented to me in a short amount of time, and Bryan and I have to go back for a meeting with Julie where she will present her report and treatment options, but this is the gist. I was really happy with Julie. She is willing to work with us, and she already started forming a bond with Anna and me.
I was initially hesitant to label Anna with a life-long diagnosis, but I saw how she really couldn't do the tasks. I am hopeful that she can be helped and treated with OT so life becomes easier for her and her behavior improves. I made a list of 10 goals I would like to see Anna achieve with the help of OT. The list ranged from being able to focus and play a game/activity for an appropriate amount of time to sitting down to eat dinner to writing her name. And selfishly, it's helped my mom ego to know that it's not me, she really does need extra help. I'm ok with it; she's healthy, fun, smart, and beautiful. She just needs a little extra help, and I'm willing to do whatever I can for her; right now that means we will be adding OT to our schedule.
Today I am thankful for:
- a trip to the Arboretum with Bryan and Anna
- sweet corn and cucumbers from the Farmer's Market
- a long weekend with my family
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