all better now

Sometimes a girl (me) needs a little crying and a pitty party, and that's what I gave myself. Well the party's over, and I'm ok now. I just needed to release some frustrations.

We are back to using all the strategies we can to make life happy and calm...bribing with Smarties! And talking on her level, if this then this, and what ever else needs to be done. I'm not saying she doesn't fight or scream, because she does, but I'm not pulling my hair out (today).

I was picking Anna up at day care today when the assistant director and I were talking about summer plans. Anna will be going to day care on Tuesdays and Thursdays so she can keep up with learning and playing with her friends. I was saying how Anna does much better at school than she does with me. She rarely ever gives her teachers drama, tantrums, and bossiness; that makes me happy. She was shocked to hear that Anna gives me so much trouble. Then she was telling me how much she loves Anna because she's always happy and has to give her a hug and kiss every time she leaves the room. That one compliment made my day.

I will admit, for every tantrum and fight, I get many more kisses and hugs. She loves to play tricks. She loves to laugh and have fun. She loves to be silly. She loves to play pretend. She loves to read. She loves to take care of her babies. She loves to make animal noises. She loves to play outside.

My life is pretty great after all.

I'm thankful for:

• not being sad anymore
• sunny warm weather
• my job - signed my contract for next year!

I'm not a fighter

I don't like to fight. I've never been one to instigate fights. (Don't worry, I will stick up for myself when someone starts shit.) I didn't fight with my parents. I rarely fight with Bryan. I don't like fighting with my baby, but it seems like a constant thing, and I'm not ok.
I've mentioned Anna's intense need for control and independence. I've been told that these are great qualities once she's grown and out of the house; I can even value these qualities for her future. I'm having one hell of a time valuing those qualities now.
I don't cry often, but I'm crying as I write this.
I don't consider myself a control freak. I'm go-with-the-flow. I can let minor things go. But...there are some things that are non-negotiable:

• riding in her car seat
• getting close to the street
• wearing a diaper until she's potty trained
• following my directions without pushing the limits

Anna fights me on every single one of these issues. She fights by stiffening her body, making her body limp, contorting her body, screaming, hitting, running away, avoidance and distractions. I try to keep my calm. I try to stay in control. She just keeps on fighting without giving in. It is so frustrating. I try being positive and give praise. I try using a firm voice. I try preparing her before the situation occurs. I get on her level to talk to her. I follow through with what I say. I try distracting with stickers and babies. I try giving rewards which to a two year old is usually food, but I have issues with that. I try using time out. I try using spanking (Yes, I do. I feel bad about it, but it's one of the rare ways I can get her to do what needs to be done. Then I think I'm hurting her self esteem. She might be all screwed up because she gets spanked. I obviously wasn't spanked.)

I don't know if I can deal with this all day long this summer. I feel like a bad mom.

I can still be thankful:

• playing outside
• finishing a good book - The Blind Side (like the movie
• smoothies made with vanilla yogurt and frozen fruit

The end is near.

We have 8 days of school left -yes! It's been a good year. I've had some interesting issues to deal with but, all in all, it's been a good one.
We had our parent program today. The students write letters to their parent(s) about what they learned in first grade and what they enjoyed about first grade (recess). The letters are very sweet. They read the letters aloud to their parents, and did an awesome job.
Last year I made muffins and punch, this year I made some easy favorites:

• banana nut mini-muffins - I used the Martha Stewart recipe for banana bread that I always use, but made mini muffins (350 for 12 minutes). The strange thing is the muffins don't taste near as delicious as the bread.
• French Breakfast Puffs - also minis - from PW
• Hello Dollies -see recipe below. I probably put it up before, but I don't feel like looking.
• I bought the orange juice.

I had a lot of parents say "thanks" and they "enjoyed the program", but I had just as many not say anything. How do you not say "thanks"???? I spent 3 hours of my time baking those delicious goodies. I could have given them nothing and not done a program, because obviously it's easier. I'm also annoyed that parents don't follow my directions: Parents get the treats first. When I say it's ok, students may have 1 treat. Why do they feel it's necessary to give their child more treats???? I will never understand. I will still do a parent program again next year - for the parents that enjoy it and use their manners.

Hello Dollies

• 1 pack of graham crackers - smashed into crumbs
• 1 stick of butter melted - mix with the crumbs and make a thin layer in a 13 x 9 pan
• 1 cup butterscotch chips
• 1 cup white chocolate or bittersweet chips
• 1 cup coconut
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk over the top of the layers above
• bake at 30 minutes at 350
• I like them in the refrigerator.

I am thankful for:

• getting to watch Anna squeal with joy while looking at the animals at Pet's Mart
• a strawberry milkshake from Steak N Shake
• people that use their manners

Zoo Pictures

We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo...

Did you watch that show when you were in 1st grade like I did? I don't even know the name, just the song. I think of that song (or line of the song) every time I go to the zoo.
We went Saturday morning, so I had to sing the song.

My mom gave us Cincinnati Zoo passes for Easter. Saturday was one of the first non-rainy days we've had in awhile, so we got up, got ready, and hit the road. I was a little panicked when we got there because the big parking lot was full - I thought we weren't going to get to go in. If you've ever been to the Cinci Zoo you know it's in the ghetto (no lies), not the kind of place where I want to park on the street and walk to the entrance. But it was ok - we just went to a different lot around the block.

Anna was so good. I never know what kind of mood she'll be in - manageable and fun or unmanageable and ridiculous. She was manageable and fun! She rode in her stroller until we got to an animal, then B would take her out and hold her up to see it. She really loved seeing the animals and making their noises. We had the right amount of snacks and treats to get her back in the stroller when she was adamant that she had to walk. It was much too crowded to walk, plus she wanted to not hold hands and run away, you know because it's funny.

We left after a few hours when it was nap time and she couldn't handle it anymore. We didn't see everything, but we'll go back. That's the fun of having passes!

Pics to come.

Today I'm thankful for:
1. not having to wake up early tomorrow
2. a feel good message from a past student's mom
3. a baby that takes medicine like a champ

She has been listening!

You know how I've been a little concerned with Anna's trouble with speaking, well... concerned-no-more. A few weeks before she turned two, the words just started coming out of her mouth, and they haven't stopped since.
She's so cute. She loves to repeat herself, you know, just in case you didn't hear her the first 10 times. She likes to name everything (in the garage, in the house, outside, where ever). All that talking did soak in - she has been listening! She jumped right to saying two word phrases; I guess that's what happens when she was saving up.
It's sometimes a puzzle, trying to figure out what she's said, but we usually get there. If I don't know what she's saying it often leads to her screaming the word over and over and sometimes a tantrum. I've mentioned that patience is not a virtue of Anna's, haven't I? She gets over it eventually. We move on to the next word/need/want.
Love my girl.

Happy Mother's Day

Bryan and I watched The Blind Side last night. It was an awesome movie. As I was watching I was in awe of the love and trust Leigh Anne had in her heart to take a young black boy from the projects into her house and give him a chance. She saw something in him that was powerful, and she knew she could help him. I was in awe of the love and trust Michael had in his heart to stay with a rich white family. He is a wonderful, caring, and loving person even though he never had anything/one wonderful, caring, or loving in his life. Their story is really powerful.

I hope that I can be as loving and trusting as Michael and Leigh Anne towards the kids that need a chance, to the kids that need someone to believe in them.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms that give their hearts to their children.

30 birthday memories????

I am going to try to think of 30 birthday memories. Some might be general, others specific. Let's see if I can do it...

1. When I was in first grade my mom had a BIG party with all the girls in my class plus a few friends and cousins at her house.

2. At above mentioned party the following things happened: we ate pizza at tables set up in the living room, my sister cried about not knowing people, my cousin painted the letter S on my chalkboard, my friend took all her clothes off except undies and went outside (she was like 4 or 5, not a mature first grader, obviously)

3. My sister and I always got the same outfit from her grandma (her bday is 4 weeks after mine). Mine was usually yellow and hers was pink or blue.

4. My 28th birthday was probably my best - I had Anna 2 weeks before.

5. I had my 21st bday at a bar called Paninis at OSU. That bar has since been torn down and luxury apartments have been built in its place.

6. For one of my birthday's I was in Chicago with my sister's family. We had a birthday cake with a purple plastic bear on top. I liked the bear because of its extreme smoothness.

7. Ok this is from a picture, but - my mom made a bear and a horse cake for my first birthday.

8. For my 14 th or 15 th birthday, my friends and one of their moms took me to Chucky Cheese. They felt sorry for me because my mom wouldn't ever take me there. I guess better late than never.

9. My friend Alison gave me a box of Lucky Charms for my birthday because, again, my mom wouldn't buy me those (gosh, don't you feel sorry for me?) My mom proceeded to eat most of that box of Lucky Charms. I remind her of this whenever I can.

10. One of my high school boyfriends asked me to be his girlfriend on my 17th birthday. He broke my heart 3 months later (gosh, I bet you feel REALLY sorry for me now). It's OK - I got over it.

11. I had begged my mom to let me get my ears pierced for years. She finally gave in on my 3rd birthday.

12. I continued to beg my mom to let me get my ears double pierced. She never gave in. I went with my boyfriend at the time (see, I told you I got over my broken heart) to the mall and got my ears double pierced on my 18th birthday. I rarely ever wear earrings in my double or triple piercings anymore.

13. This is from pictures: I got my first two wheel bike when I was 5. I was wearing a red shirt and white skirt with red, blue, yellow, and green swirls; I really loved that outfit. My mom and I lived in a two-family house across from a park. I learned to ride my bike without training wheels at that same house.

14. One of my favorite gifts: my dad gave me a pair of jeans and a purple Member's Only jacket for one of my birthdays. I wouldn't mind finding a purple Member's Only jacket that would fit me now - or maybe one for Anna so she could show her friends how cool she is.

15. The next party I got to have at my mom's house only had a few of my friends instead of the whole grade. We had pizza to eat.

16. I used to ask my old step mom to make me brownies with powdered sugar for my birthday desert. She isn't the world's greatest cook, but I guess she could handle brownies ok.

17. I also would ask her to make the one meal she could make for my birthday dinner - some kind of chicken with cream soup and biscuits on top. The biscuits would be soft and delicious with creamy goodness on the bottom.

18. Birthday 29 was my hardest birthday. It was the first time I felt "old." I kept thinking, "I'm going to be one of those people in their mid 30s soon." I'm ok with it now. With my 30s comes security, happiness, and contentment with life.

19. My 24th was my first birthday in Lexington.

20. My 19th was my first birthday having diabetes.

21. Little Sibs weekend in college was on my birthday weekend. My brother was 11 at the time. He stayed up all night playing video games, eating pizza, and drinking soda with my boy friend at the time's little brother who was also 11. His exact words after the weekend were, "I can't wait to go to college. You can just stay up all night playing video games and eating pizza." We laugh about that still, but now that he's finishing up his college career, I'm sure he's had quite a few of those nights. I'll have to ask him.

22. Bryan made me cry on my 30th birthday because he was in a NyQuil coma when he woke up to get ready for work and didn't tell me happy birthday. He didn't exactly forget, but he didn't remember at that moment. It's ok - he left work early to get my presents together and buy me cupcakes from GiGi's Cupcakes (they were pretty good). He felt pretty horrible. I'm not mad at him. My feelings were hurt, but they mend quickly.

23. I'm not positive this was a birthday, but I think it was. My sister and I each got a banana seat bicycle for one of our birthdays. Mine was purple and hers was pink. We rode those bikes all the time. Banana seat bikes with big U shaped handle bars kick ass. I hope I can find one for Anna.

I'm seven short. I will have to ask my mom and dad for help to finish out this list. Stay tuned.

Happy Birthday to ME!

I turned the big 3-0 on Monday! I had a hard time with 29, but I think it prepared me for 30. I'm ok with 30. I have an awesome life: a beautiful and fun baby, a supportive and loving hubby, a job I enjoy, and great family and friends. I have many blessings in my life, and my 30s are a time to enjoy those blessings.

My birthday celebrations took place over several days...
Part 1:
Anna, Bryan and I went to Old Navy on Saturday because they were having a 30% off everything sale. I bought a green khaki jacket (the kind you don't take off) and brown Bermuda shorts (not the best look for me, but I can wear them to work on super casual days). Then we went to the new Saul Good. I haven't had food that wasn't good there, and this dinner was no different. I of course got desert, it was my 30th bday dinner! I chose the white chocolate cheesecake, and it was delicious. Actually, it was more than delicious, it was a top-of-the-list scrumptioulisous desert. I couldn't stop thinking about that cheesecake. You really ought to try it for yourself.

Part 2:
Two of my teammates and I had birthdays this week. We all went to dinner on Monday to celebrate. We went to La Hacienda by Dairy Queen. It was yummy. It was a fun night to spend out with the people I work with. We would like to do a little more of that. It's hard with so many different schedules, but we're going to try to fit it in now and again.

Part 3:
I went to Target after dinner on Monday since I was by myself. I got several new shirts and a pair of shoes, plus a few things for Anna. I'm excited about the wardrobe changes I've made recently. I need to purge my closet now; there are too many things that I don't like or just don't wear.

Well, there you have it - nothing Earth shattering for my 30th (unless you count the cheesecake), but a great couple of days with good people.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. a happy 30th birthday
2. birthday money
3. new clothes
4. new shoes
5. watching the baby robins in the nest outside my bathroom window