Anna Baby

Anna's had a really good week. A really good week means good and great days at school, a fun snow day at home, and only a few tantrums. The week before was not so good; I don't know if that's because she was congested and feeling bad or just because. I'm thankful for the good weeks.

Bryan, Anna, and I have been going to Dr. P. for parenting advise and strategies. I was feeling mostly bad about my mothering skills during the summer and fall, and I wasn't OK with that. I felt all my life that I was supposed to be a mother, and then when I finally was, I was doing a really bad job. The tantrums and the battles for control - it was all too much. Anna has a big personality from really happy and excited (so cute) to really angry and frustrated (not so cute), and sometimes I just felt overwhelmed. I love her so much and didn't feel like I was helping her be her best self. So I called Dr. P. I started by myself at Dr. P's, but then she said Bryan should be coming because we're in this together, and then she wanted to meet Anna, so now it's the 3 of us. Between Dr. P. and my book (Raising Your Spirited Child), Bryan and I have been able to get some control and remain in the green zone (most of the time).

Some of our tools to help Anna be successful and help us manage daily life with her:

• Tell her everything that's going to happen and in what order - either for a short period of time or the whole day. Then we give lots of reminders as we go. For example: We are going to play one game, and you can finish your blue berries. Then it will be time to go potty, and then take a nap. When she tries for more games, we remind her again. Or you may jump in the pool 3 times, and then it will be our time to go...OK this is your last jump, and then it will be time to go.
• We compromise or make a deal. For example, You may brush your teeth by yourself in the morning, and I will brush your teeth at night. Then we remind her of our deal when she tries to brush at night.
• We tell her the expectations and consequences before we go someplace, and then remind her of our expectations and consequences while we are there. For example, While we are at the grocery store you must stay by mommy or daddy. You may not run off. If you choose to run away, you will go to the car, and you will not get a pony ride.
• When I see her energy rising and she starts loosing focus, it means she's heading to the red zone, and that's not a good place. That's when the screaming, hitting, kicking, biting, and scratching start. So we try to get her to go to her room to cool down (not a time out). She sits with her baby and calms down. This one's a little harder in public, but it's great at home.
• When she's fixed her mind on something it's close to impossible to win a "yes/no" battle, so we try a diversion. This helps when we are cleaning up or just doing things around the house. For example, if she's getting in my way while I'm making dinner, I ask her to set the table.
• We also try removing her from the situation/leaving the area for a few minutes, then before coming back, provide expectations. This helps with the "yes/no" battles too.
• We set routines and stick to them. For example, after getting her PJs on and teeth brushed, she chooses 3 books. I read a book, Bryan reads a book, and Anna reads a book. Then we give hugs and kisses, and she climbs into bed. She was trying all the typical kid stuff and dragging bed time out, and this routine has been working great.
• She likes choices, so we provide choices, and then she feels like she has some control.
• She likes to feel like she's a part of things and that she has some control in situations, so sharing the task makes her much more willing to do what I want.
• We try to choose our battles - no hurting self, others, or property are our guidelines.
• I'm trying to help her identify her feelings. So as she gets older she can do that for herself and then express herself without the tantrums and find a healthier way to manage her emotions.
• All 3 of us try to get plenty of sleep so we're not cranky.
• If Bryan or I need a cool down, we take it for 5-10 minutes, then come back ready to try again.
• I take deep breaths, count to 10, you know, all those calming techniques, when I'm heading towards the red zone.

Life has improved greatly. That's not to say that we don't have bad days, and the tantrums and frustration have ended, because they haven't, but we're learning how to minimize the unhappy stuff. We will probably always be learning new ways to help Anna be her best self and manage her emotions appropriately, and that's OK, because we love her so much.

Today I'm thankful for:

• feeling really well rested
• Bryan is making beef stew for dinner - yum!
• warm clothes, a coat, and a warm house