Just Joy

We are going to be a family of 4!

I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm thankful.

Here are the answers to the usual questions:

• I have not thrown up, although I've felt sick to my stomach off and on throughout the days. Mondays are the hardest.




• I am not as tired as I was with Anna either. This baby is already making life easier.




• I've been craving comfort food - especially soup.




• My blood sugars have been good, but I have to constantly monitor and report to my doctor.




• The due date: April 17, but I'm just hoping to make it to Spring Break




• We will find out what we're having (hopefully in November or December). We are planners!




• I honestly don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I pray for a healthy baby (preferably with lots of patience, a laid back outlook on life and without control issues if at all possible :))




• My patience has been drasticaly reduced. It's somewhat frustrating to get agitated over things that wouldn't usually bother me, but the hormones rule.




• We haven't really picked out any names. We have a girl name that we both like, but we aren't 100% yet. There are no boy names that we agree on.




• Anna will be 4. She has already told us that she wants to hold the baby, give it a bottle, and she does not want us to help. She also has a baby in her belly. She will be a great helper.

Today I am thankful for:

• 13 weeks of a mostly bareable pregnancy




• a cute little baby that was sucking its thumb in the last ultrasound




• a healthy report from the last ultrasound




• a spring due date

Please ignore the spelling errors, big huge spaces, and missing words. This blog post is not cooperating, and mama needs her sleep.

One of many

I have several neurosis. I'm sure we all do; I hope we all do or this might seem really weird.

One of my paranoias: I always think I'm pregnant. I don't actually believe I'm pregnant, but I have to take a pregnancy test to prove that I'm not. That's probably weird. I can't be sure how many tests I take in a year - probably 3 or 4. I buy the multi-pack. Bryan just shakes his head.

I always have 2 or 3 symptoms of pregnancy before I take the test. These symptoms include: vomiting (fairly common for me), urinating frequently, smelling things very strongly (I thought someone broke jars of pickles and squirted mustard all over the grocery store when I was pregnant.), being very tired, getting so angry over something stupid that I think fire is actually coming out of my ears (like on cartoons), and being overly sensitive (crying over something really dumb).

I am a worrier by nature, so I think that's why I take the tests. Because of my medical issues, I really need to plan and be ready for a pregnancy, which I am not currently doing, so I just get really paranoid.

I took a test on Father's Day weekend (aw, wouldn't that have been so cute - happy father's day again!) It was of course - negative, don't go getting your hopes up. I will have to say, it was the first time I felt OK with the prospect of having another baby; you know, not panicked and stressed. I'm glad it's not the time yet; Anna is still too needy, and I'm worthless when I'm pregnant. I plan on thinking about it more in a year from now. Until then...Anna's more than enough fun, joy, and drama for this mama.

Today I am thankful for:

• a fun night out with the girls
• grocery shopping by myself
• new books waiting for me at the library

Anna's Birth Story

I like hearing people tell about their pregnancy and birthing experience(s). Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. But here's my pregnancy and birthing experience...


I realized I was pregnant a few days after getting hired at my new job (my current school). I remember talking to B in the parking lot telling him that the pregnancy test was positive. He said, "don't get too excited. You better talk to the doctor first." We are SO romantic. I'll try to be more romantic if there's a next time.


Week 6 came and...the sickness stayed through month 6. Mostly in the morning, sometime before lunch. I was horribly tired and had no energy at all - the whole pregnancy. I was not a good pregnant person. I am very jealous of people that feel great during pregnancy, because I was definitely not myself.

During my pregnancy I really had to be on top of my diabetes care and blood sugars. I took good care of myself, and I think that's why Anna was healthy when she was born. Even though I took care of myself, she still got really big - which is common for babies of diabetic mothers.

By month 8, I was swollen with water weight and was uncomfortable sitting and standing. I guess Anna was uncomfortable too, because she came early. It was a Friday after school and I wanted Frisch's. I remember sitting on the steps in the house while B was getting ready, and I felt WEIRD. I thought maybe it was heartburn or Anna was pressing on my lungs. I remember I was wearing a yellow long sleeved shirt and jeans. I can still see myself sitting on the steps - like I'm looking at myself. We went to Frisch's then came home. I could not sleep. I tossed and turned all night - still felt WEIRD. I guess I was having a lot of contractions; I had been having contractions up to that point, so it wasn't too different. I decided to call the doctor. I waited until 6 am because I didn't want to bother the Dr. or B from sleep. The doctor told me to go the hospital to be checked out. I figured they would send me home with heart burn. I was wrong.

The nurses put me in the booby-room. I call it that because it was right on the end and didn't have all the furniture and equipment it should have had. I guess they thought I would be going home too. I really had no idea I was in labor; it was a month before her due date. My water didn't break and I didn't lose my mucus plug (ewe, gross). I had no shower, no camera, no bag, no pillow, none of the 'stuff' I planned on having (we were planning on going shopping for all that stuff later that day). When the nurse checked me she said, "you are fully effaced and 2 cm dilated."

I said, "what does that mean?"

She said, "you're in labor. I'll get the Dr."

He came in and double checked and said, "you're going to have the baby today at 8." (I had already planned for a c-section because of the size of Anna relative to the size of me.)

I said, "are you serious?"

Dr. said, "yes, we'll get things going."

I said something to the effect of, "No, I can't have a baby, I don't have anything here. I don't even have a camera."

He said, "you're going to have the baby today. Use the camera on your cell phone." So we did. Those pictures are now lost in cell phone cyber space now, but that's ok. It's what is is.

Then all the people started coming in to get me ready. Then I felt the contractions - the painful ones in my back that you think about people in labor having. B called our family, and I tried to prepare myself to have a baby.

The things I remember from surgery: the Dr. had to use forceps to get Anna out even though I had a c-section. He said, "you should name her Bertha; she's a big girl." I also heard, "Look at all that hair!" I was nervous until I heard her cry, and still to this day, I don't think I have heard a more beautiful sound. She was born at 8:44 am weighing in at 8.15 - I told you she was a big girl. ( I am convinced she would have been a 12 pounder had I gone full term). I saw her for a second, then she was whisked away to the NICU Observation. I knew she would be taken away right away; the Drs prepared me for that. She had to have her blood sugar monitored until her body could regulate itself. While I was in recovery my family arrived and watched Anna: she had a bath, ate from a tube, breathed on her own, ate from a bottle, had her new baby tests done, and got her blood sugar regulated without having to be admitted to the actual NICU.

After I finally got to meet Anna I thought: so this is my baby, I can't believe she has so much hair, she looks just like Bryan, she is so chubby, she is so beautiful. I'm one lucky momma.

The only minor complication Anna had from being born prematurely was jaundice. She had to be under the bilirubin light. I don't really remember this moment, but B said he came back to the room (after going home to let the dog out or shower or whatever), and I was sitting on the bed crying because she was under that light all by herself with only a diaper on. She looked so lonely lying in that bed naked. I just wanted to pick her up and hold onto her, but she needed to get healthy first, and she did.

A few other memorable moments from the hospital:

• B changed most of the diapers, including the first one which he was certain there was something wrong. We called the nurse for confirmation that she was OK and the tar-like poo was normal. I told him it was, but he didn't believe me.
• B slept through all of her nighttime cries at the hospital. He was so beat.
• I kept apologizing to the nurses for my grossness since I hadn't had a shower since the morning before. They said they didn't care, but I still felt nasty.
• B had to give me a shower. It was not pretty. It was not romantic. It was a good showing of true love.
• While Anna was still in observation and the medicine hadn't worn off, I kept saying, "it's ok she isn't here. I don't think I could hold her anyway. My arms feel so funny." My step mom thought this was hilarious. She still laughs about this.

In the end, all was good - we got to take her home in the normal amount of time, and the weather was perfect and beautiful for the first few weeks of her life. Anna and I hung out, slept, and took walks that first summer.

Today I am thankful for:

• a healthy baby
• strawberries
• great family

These things are true - for me anyways

Yesterday several teachers had a little gathering in the hall talking about baby and kid things that people told us or we learned. It had me thinking - what are some things that people told me about pregnancy and motherhood that I found to be true...

1. There is nothing like the love you have for your child - and it grows everyday.
2. The last good night of sleep you'll ever have is the night you made a baby.
3. Kids cost a lot of money.
4. You do things for your kids you never thought you would do.
5. You lose all modesty after having a baby.
6. You will never get your old body back, weight - maybe, body -no.
7. Once your baby starts walking, you will rarely have a bathroom moment alone.
8. Nap when your baby naps.
9. You will do things wrong, and it's OK.
10. "You know what" happens less often. TMI?

I'm sure there are more little thoughts and tidbits, but these are the 10 I could think of right now.

Today I am thankful for:

• rice krispy treats
• winning the basketball pool - $90 that will pay for the scrap booking stuff and pillows that I bought last week
• B is getting a "thank you" bonus from work in a few weeks

Spring Break Fun

This was a great Spring Break. The weather was awesome, and it is leaving me a little broken hearted that I have to go back to work tomorrow bc the summer-like weather is going to continue. I LOVE hot weather, want to live where it's hot all the time, so I was in heaven with temps in the 70s and 80s.
I took Anna to daycare for a shorter-than-normal days Monday-Thursday, but still time to learn and play with her friends. Then when we got home we played outside. We took walks, she rode her bike, she rode her car, blew bubbles, ran around, just had fun in the sun! All the playing helped her sleep at night, and she didn't wake up screaming to come into our room for several nights in a row!!!

We also got to meet Drew! He is so cute and tiny. I just love babies - I could hold infants forever (until they start crying for food or diaper change). I forgot what it was like to hold a new baby; he was so light. He is blond and hairy like my sister, and I think his face resembles my brother's and sister's. Anna really likes babies - real and pretend, so she liked meeting Drew and holding him and giving him kisses. She was gentle with her hands, but she doesn't understand how to control her body around a newborn, so I just had to be very watchful.

Anna and Jackson also had an Easter Egg Hunt. They had a great time gathering all the eggs and opening them to eat the candies inside. Anna has a HUGE sweet tooth, so the candy has to be hidden. Anna and Jackson had a great time playing together; I wish we lived closer so they could play together more often. It's one of life's difficult things - getting 2 year olds to get their picture taken, but this one turned out pretty cute.

We enjoyed Easter Brunch with my Mom's family today. It was yummy and fun, but we are all pretty tired. Back to the grind tomorrow. Hope all goes smoothly.

Today I am thankful for:
1. Easter Brunch

2. open windows

3. seeing family this weekend

Happy News

Jen had her baby, Andrew "Drew" James on Friday morning: 8:03 am, 8.13 lbs.

I've seen a few phone pics, but that's all. He looks like Jen, and she said he has a lot of blond hair. My sister has the kind of blond hair that turns white in the summer and stays blond even when she's almost 30 and has had 2 kids. I asked if that made her happy, she said, "I guess so." Her other son, Jackson resembles her hubby more, so even though she's not jumping for joy, I know it secretly makes her happy to have maybe passed on her blond hair.

I can't wait to meet little Drew. We're going up next Saturday to visit Jen, Scott, Jackson, and Drew and Sunday for Easter brunch at my mom's. Since it's spring break, I can even make a few goodies for everyone.

The double good news is that her body started its thing again, but the doc was ready and got the bleeding to stop right away! I'd be surprised if she wanted to have more children, but if she does, she'll be able to.

I'm thankful for:

• a new healthy nephew
• a healthy delivery for Jen
• Cinnamon Crunch bagels
• Spring Break
• a good weather forecast for the week

I know this means a lot to him.

I go back and forth between having/not having another baby.



Right now, Anna is more than enough joy and love and excitement. It's hard to think about having another little person to love and worry about. I think she's great, and I wonder what another child would be like - we he/she be the same, very different, a little the same and a little different??? I think I would like for her to have a sibling, but know that if she's an only child, then that's ok too.

My diabetes is a concern - pregnancy puts an extra amount of stress on my already-fragile system. I can handle the extra vigilance on my blood sugars and diet. I can even handle the daily vomitting for 6 months (although the distance of my classroom to the bathroom would be a major hurdle to worry about later).

My biggest problemo - I take a water pill now to help my Meniere's Disease under control. Meniere's disease effects my balance and hearing. It's an ever-changing disease, and pretty much a pain in the ass. I used to wake up at night with the room spinning violently, leaving me in the bathroom for hours on end -sleeping and throwing up (gross, sorry). Well it's evolved over time and now I get sudden, short (seconds) tilts of the room. I don't end up in the bathroom, but they are very scary, and make me fall over. I've cut down on salt tremendouly in my diet (don't even use a salt shaker), and completely cut out things that I think bring attacks on: chocolate, grapefruit, and splenda to name a few. Between the water pill and the diet restrictions, I've been able to keep the vertigo spells to very seldom and very minor. I can't take a water pill if I get pregnant, which I fear will bring the spells back with a vengence. Why? Well because when I was out of pills and didn't get my refil for about 4 days, I had a major, crazy bad spell, that put me to tears and scared the poo out of my poor cousin the night before she got married (sorry Steph).

A possible solution - surgery. One option that I'm leaning towards is called a labyrnthectomy. The doc would cut the balance nerve on my left (effected ear) leaving my right side to componsate. Last year's tests found that my right ear is already compensating 70% for my left ear, so it doesn't have much more work to do.

My fears:

• surgery and it's inherint risks. I'm a mom now, Anna needs a mom.


• I will lose all hearing in my left ear, not a huge deal 'cause I can't hear out of it anyway


• the recovery - supposedly it only takes a few weeks by the docs standards to get back to normal. I just don't know if I believe that. The more I get up and get moving, the faster my recovery will be. It's the fear of the unknown. I haven't found a lot of info on the internet to help me either.

I just don't think I'm ready this summer. I'm going to keep thinking about it and talking to the doc about it. I don't like that this disease has so much control over my life. I drive as little as possible, I don't drive on the highway, I don't even like driving to the grocery. School and maybe something else here and there, but not much else.

It might come down to surgery because Bryan said, "I would like to have another baby. I would like Anna to have a brother or sister." This is a huge statement coming from my husband, a man who doesn't think too much about the past or the future, but is a great example of living in the present. Since he said this, I know it's important to him. He loves me. He loves Anna. He wants to love another baby too.