Right now, Anna is more than enough joy and love and excitement. It's hard to think about having another little person to love and worry about. I think she's great, and I wonder what another child would be like - we he/she be the same, very different, a little the same and a little different??? I think I would like for her to have a sibling, but know that if she's an only child, then that's ok too.
My diabetes is a concern - pregnancy puts an extra amount of stress on my already-fragile system. I can handle the extra vigilance on my blood sugars and diet. I can even handle the daily vomitting for 6 months (although the distance of my classroom to the bathroom would be a major hurdle to worry about later).
My biggest problemo - I take a water pill now to help my Meniere's Disease under control. Meniere's disease effects my balance and hearing. It's an ever-changing disease, and pretty much a pain in the ass. I used to wake up at night with the room spinning violently, leaving me in the bathroom for hours on end -sleeping and throwing up (gross, sorry). Well it's evolved over time and now I get sudden, short (seconds) tilts of the room. I don't end up in the bathroom, but they are very scary, and make me fall over. I've cut down on salt tremendouly in my diet (don't even use a salt shaker), and completely cut out things that I think bring attacks on: chocolate, grapefruit, and splenda to name a few. Between the water pill and the diet restrictions, I've been able to keep the vertigo spells to very seldom and very minor. I can't take a water pill if I get pregnant, which I fear will bring the spells back with a vengence. Why? Well because when I was out of pills and didn't get my refil for about 4 days, I had a major, crazy bad spell, that put me to tears and scared the poo out of my poor cousin the night before she got married (sorry Steph).
A possible solution - surgery. One option that I'm leaning towards is called a labyrnthectomy. The doc would cut the balance nerve on my left (effected ear) leaving my right side to componsate. Last year's tests found that my right ear is already compensating 70% for my left ear, so it doesn't have much more work to do.
My fears:
- surgery and it's inherint risks. I'm a mom now, Anna needs a mom.
- I will lose all hearing in my left ear, not a huge deal 'cause I can't hear out of it anyway
- the recovery - supposedly it only takes a few weeks by the docs standards to get back to normal. I just don't know if I believe that. The more I get up and get moving, the faster my recovery will be. It's the fear of the unknown. I haven't found a lot of info on the internet to help me either.
I just don't think I'm ready this summer. I'm going to keep thinking about it and talking to the doc about it. I don't like that this disease has so much control over my life. I drive as little as possible, I don't drive on the highway, I don't even like driving to the grocery. School and maybe something else here and there, but not much else.
It might come down to surgery because Bryan said, "I would like to have another baby. I would like Anna to have a brother or sister." This is a huge statement coming from my husband, a man who doesn't think too much about the past or the future, but is a great example of living in the present. Since he said this, I know it's important to him. He loves me. He loves Anna. He wants to love another baby too.
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