Life is funny that way...

I called my sister today to wish her luck on her surgery tomorrow. She is getting a bad stomach-area hernia fixed and her tubes tied. She is of course worried and scared - normal for any mother, I think. But the funny thing is that she's sad about getting her tubes tied. Why funny you ask? Well, if 10 years ago you would have told me that my sister would be the motherly, I want to stay home with my kids, I want a house full of kids kind of person I would have laughed in your face. I never pictured her as the super-motherly type, and she didn't either. She's only getting her tubes tied because having another baby could be very dangerous because of her problems during delivery. What adds to the irony is that I would be just fine with Anna (although I do want to have another baby), and I don't want to stay home; I wouldn't have imagined that it would be like that.

I always wanted to be a mommy; in fact, it's the only thing I did know I wanted to be when I got older. I feel blessed many times over with Anna - her smile, her laugh, her jokes, her speech, her hugs and kisses, her curiosity, her love of life. I also feel confused, stressed, frustrated, and stuck at times. People told me motherhood is tough, but it's one of those things you don't get until you're in the muck of it trying to keep it all together, trying to stay sane when the only thing you really want to do is scream and run away. It's no surprise to you that the toddler years have been very trying for me. There are moments when I wonder if I've done anything right, when I wonder if I can handle one more whining screaming tantrum, when I wonder why she can't just follow my directions so she stays safe. I either cry or get over it or maybe stew about it for awhile. Then she does something really special, something really great, something without giving me a bunch of shit first, and I think: I can do this, it's working, Bryan and I are great parents, we have an awesome kid. My faith is restored, everything will work out. We can totally handle another kid (someday)!

Parenthood is a roller coaster, and one I'm happy to ride on. Even when life turns out to be different than I expected, it's all good.

Prayers for Jen, please!

Today I am thankful for:

1. a goodnight sleep last night
2. my new Pampered Chef Biscuit cutters! I use this recipe for buttermilk biscuits (halved).
3. a supportive husband